i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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