Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
