I didn't shave. On purpose
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
