My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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