Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
