What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
