your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
