The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
