the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
