I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
