Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
