I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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