Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
