That's intense
do herpes really smell.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
