I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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