i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
