i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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