Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
