And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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