i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
