If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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