i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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