you would pick up someone in the library
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
