So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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