So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
