i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
