I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We need to get me chipped asap
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
