i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
