Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
