Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
