is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's shark week go big or go home
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
