Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
