she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
