what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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