The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
