He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Liz is crying about burritos again.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
