it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
