I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
