The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
