I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
