i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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