I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
