This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Randomize
