So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
