i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
