i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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