i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
