all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
