Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
