Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
